So, my book is still a secret but I’m slowly getting used to the idea of calling myself a writer.
About three years ago, I finally admitted to myself that I wanted to be a writer. I remember crying about it and agonizing over it because I really wanted to do something safer and easier. Calling myself a writer seemed like the most terrifying thing in the world.
And although I tried to backtrack from it by choosing a “safer” path in grad school, I ended up transferring into a writing-related program anyway.
This weekend, I went to two weddings for some of my close friends. It was a really wonderful time (I’m always so honored to be invited to weddings!). But anyway, it was the first time in a long time where people asked me what I was up to or what I did. And I said I was a writer (or a “freelance journalist,” close enough, right?) and it wasn’t a big deal. Progress! Progress!
More and more, I am starting to accept the call to be a writer.
I’ve been examining the concept of a calling or a vocation for years now. I’ve always wondered what mine was. But the weird thing is even though it’s what I want to do and who I want to be, there still has been a tremendous amount of resistance. Lots of second-guessing, procrastinating, exploring other options — anything else but this path.
But it seems like things have lined up in my life for me to go for this. And so I am.
Before today, it had been quite a few days since I had touched my book-draft-in-progress. Mostly because of the two-weddings-in-one-weekend thing and the recovery I needed from that.
I’m not going to lie — it was a little hard to jump back into the process. But once I did, it felt so good! It’s so much fun to be immersed in the world of my characters and find out what surprising things will happen next.
Also, I got an idea for another potential book and I worked a little on that. It’s not my primary focus and I don’t want to get distracted, but it worked as a good warm up before jumping into The Book.
Distraction. That’s another thing. It’s so easy to get distracted and lose focus on what I am doing. It’s funny how when you do something like this, a lot of (self-created) drama can come up. What I’m learning is that drama may just be a distraction — it sucks energy away from the thing that gives me joy and more energy. But the good thing is recognizing it as such and then choosing to channel my energy more positively. Still, it’s a work-in-progress. Just like this book, eh?!
